Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Even my vagina gasped.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
