me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
