Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
