Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
