a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
