It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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