If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
