Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
