why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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