I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
