You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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