i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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