You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
