mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
