He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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