Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
