Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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