My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
