I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
