I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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