I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We left an ass print on the piano.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
