Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
