My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
