The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
