I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
