After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
