Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
