I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
