Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
