So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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