just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
