I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
