I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
