I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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