I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
