What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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