Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
