Porn is love you can see.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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