Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
