so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
