those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
