I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
