I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
