Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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