I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
