How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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