You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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