That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
