Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
