Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize