At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
