There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
