I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
