I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
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This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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