3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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