He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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