You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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