Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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