She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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