My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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