You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
