I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
