We're like a lot better than the average bears
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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