one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm both gender and math confused
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
