i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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