from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
