My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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