I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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