We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
