I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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