I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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