I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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