put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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