Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
