I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm just crazy horny about you
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
