I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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